When my children were small, I felt terribly helpless in the face of lack of sleep! I was lucky to have children who "slept through the night" very quickly, but that didn't last.
I remember the summer of 2016, my daughters were 3.5 and 1.5 years old. My nights were broken up by the little one waking up and my evenings were "rotten" by the big one's problems falling asleep.
It impacted my relationship because we couldn't stand this lack of time for the couple anymore. We no longer had time to have conversations without a child hovering around us. We were both irritated by this situation, by this lack of sleep, and our disagreements on how to "solve the problem" could sometimes take turns that only fatigue could explain.
It affected my self-perception , I felt like a bad mother. Not able to get her children to sleep. I couldn't help but think that it was probably because of me if it was happening like this. In addition, the lack of sleep could make me irritable and exhausted. Sometimes, I had behaviors with my children that I immediately regretted.
It was affecting my life. As soon as night fell, I was tense at the thought of how the evening and then the night would go. I had butterflies in my stomach, felt my heart beating faster, in a state of stress. Can you imagine? Stressed about my children's sleep...
I then had the great fortune to see Rosa Jové, the author of the book “Sleeping Without Tears”, give a lecture.
And it completely changed the way I spend my evenings and nights.
What changed? I understood how children's sleep works, their needs, their brain development. And this allowed me to let go, to welcome and transform my perception of these evenings and nights that I had previously considered rotten!
Baby sleep is different from adult sleep
A baby's sleep is different from an adult's sleep. It is composed of much shorter and more numerous cycles. Physiologically, it is necessary to wait until the age of 6 for a child to have a sleep similar to that of an adult. Unfortunately, society's beliefs have not prepared us to be woken up at night for so long and very quickly the question keeps coming up: "So, does he sleep through the night?" as if a good baby should sleep straight from 2-3 months. Children wake up at night for different types of needs:
- physiological like hunger when they are very young
- emotional needs such as security and comfort as they grow up
So how do you survive interrupted nights for months, even years?
Dr. Rosa Jové explains that parents who do not have false beliefs about their child's sleep cope much better with nighttime awakenings than others. So isn't it time to change our view of children's sleep and focus on how to rest with broken nights rather than how to get your baby to sleep?
Not sleeping is the worst torture you can inflict on yourself! Here are some tips:
favor micro-naps at any time of the day,
don't hang around once the kids are in bed,
sleeping with baby (yes, some women breastfeed without waking up),
sharing nights or waking hours with your partner (looking after a child all day is as tiring as going to work),
having your child sleep at someone's house one night from time to time (when you don't have children,
being woken up once a month is not a big deal),
slow down your pace of life and your expectations
take care of yourself and don't forget yourself
And remember, when you're in it, this period seems very long but you might be nostalgic for those nighttime cuddles when your children no longer need you!
If you want to go further on this topic, I offer you my free e-book The 3 beliefs that impact children's sleep .