In a few months, a new member will join your family cocoon. The arrival of a new child is synonymous with happiness but also with questions on the part of the parents and the eldest who will no longer be the only child in the family.
What can the arrival of a new child generate?
The only child may go through several stages depending on his age and his understanding of the situation: resentment towards the new baby who monopolizes all the attention of his parents, jealousy and even aggressiveness, a period of regression but also joy and impatience for the meeting.
Ultimately, the child gains a partner for life, but the arrival of a second child deserves to be prepared in advance to make the transition easier for the whole family. Parents and children alike, rest assured, your heart does not divide with the arrival of each child, but it always expands more.
When to announce the news?
The announcement of the news must be taken with care. You can wait the statutory 3 months to announce the pregnancy to your child. But you can also choose to wait a little longer because on the scale of a young child, 9 months seems like an eternity. Depending on the level of understanding of your child's situation, you can decide to announce it more quickly by noting that the former senses that something is changing. Indeed, some children "guess" the pregnancy through snippets of conversation, physical changes, in particular your rounding belly, and behavioral changes such as fatigue or emotionality.
How to announce the news?
Opt for an announcement in a calm and reassuring setting, preferably with your partner so that your child understands that it is a couple's decision. Use clear and simple terms, leave the door open to questions without going into the medical details of the pregnancy. Encourage your child to share his emotions and feelings. You can also plan in advance with your child the organization of the birth: who will look after him, where you will be, how long it will take and what will change at home afterwards.
What actions should be taken?
You can involve your older child in the preparations for the arrival of the new baby: decorating the nursery, coming up with a name, a gift for the baby, sorting toys and different stuffed animals. This gives you the opportunity to share special moments together as a couple or three, to answer questions about the pregnancy but also to remind him of his own arrival: "when you arrived, you fit into this tiny bodysuit, now you have big boy clothes and it's the baby's turn to wear these clothes". You can even suggest that he give one of his stuffed animals or plan a gift for the baby's arrival: he then becomes an actor of change.
Encourage your child to talk about their emotions but also their expectations regarding their little brother or sister and reassure them in their position as the eldest child. They are no longer an only child but they have a very important place in this new balance. If you have experienced this situation yourself, talk about your experience as a big sister/big brother through anecdotes and good times shared.
You can also turn to some children's books to read together like There is a house in my mom of Gilles Andrae or even Tchoupi: soon to be big brother of Thierry Courtin . Another good time shared and anxieties that dissipate.
And after birth?
When a little brother or sister is born, you can also encourage the older brother or sister to participate in caring for the baby (getting a diaper, taking the bottle), choosing clothes or helping the baby wake up. This allows the older child to feel useful and involved but also to start creating this brotherly bond.
If jealousy arises, you can emphasize what the older child can do compared to the baby: he can talk, he can walk, he can play. Value his position as an older child without considering him as an adult and asking him to be a role model! He is still a child who must have responsibilities related to his age.
We hope that these few tips will help you in this transition and this wonderful family adventure!